So Close Yet...
by Lily5
Summary: post-I Was Made To Love You fic. Hints of W/O.


Title: So Close Yet...  
Author: Lily  
Summary: Ems' challenge. I didn't go with the Oz leaving thing-it basically   
all stems off the line "let alone you won't forget my name." Xander POV. Post   
IWM2LY.  
Disclaimer: Why bother?

Nine Days kicks. The fact that Ems met them equals much envy from my general   
direction.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
nothing seems to change

let alone you won't forget my name

just don't lose what you know

just don't lose what you know

when you're so far away...

what you lose is what you know

where you go is where you grow

how near we've come has yet to show

we've come so close yet so far away...

so far away

what did i do to you

what did i do to you

what did i do to you

what did i do to you  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"...Xander?" Willow's voice was small. She turned to lean on one of the   
bookshelves in the back of the Magic Box.

"Yeah, Will?" Turning away from the spines of the books that I was   
looking at, searching for some obscure title Giles thought might have a Glory   
mention. Oh yeah. Serious talk time. Brace yourself. I could see how she   
looked around to make sure we were alone before she spoke. Why was I always   
Mr. Advice Guy now? What happened to Xander the guy you don't want advice   
from? When did I get all wise? Not that wise was bad. Wise is good. And   
besides, what are friends for if not advice?

"Xander..." she spoke softly, "you know what you said before?"

"I said a lot of things. What thing did I say before?"

"About...you know..." 

"About..."

She moved even closer to me and looked around once more. Her eyes darted   
everywhere as she whispered harshly, "you know. Oz."

"Oh. What I said about Oz. That." Oh yeah. Am I not entitled to mention   
my friend, who I miss, but happens to be the ex of my other very good friend?   
But she doesn't seem mad. Sad? Maybe this is just the new and improved wise   
Xander talking, but it just seems like Will should be at this place where   
she's okay with the Oz stuff. I mean...Tara and all. I don't have Cordelia   
baggage anymore. Not that Cor and I were like Willow and Oz. They were pretty   
darn impressive with the whole relationship thing. Maybe it's a bad thing   
that she hasn't said a word during my entire internal rant. Or maybe I just   
think fast. "What about that?"

"Oh. It's just...it's nice. That you miss him. I mean, I know it's not my   
place anymore to feel as if I have to...feel good when someone misses him,   
but..."

"I think I know what you mean." And I do.

"Anyway, it's like there's this...taboo on Oz. I don't want to think that   
I did that. And he was a part of our lives, and it's just weird. In my mind   
he's just 'him' but...to hear his name spoken...I mean, yeah, you don't talk   
about your ex-boyfriends who left town and all that too often, but he was a   
friend."

"Is. I think friends stay that way."

"Yeah. They do. When did you get so wise Xander?" 

Wasn't that what I was just wondering?

"I don't know." Okay. Now I'm going to maybe make a big mistake and this   
heart to heart will end with her being all flustered and denial-y, or maybe   
advice guy will have more advice to give. "Do you miss him too? I just...I   
noticed that you're not too comfortable talking about him, and I was   
wondering."

"Yeah. I miss him."

"How could you not?" Of course.

"How could I not? I guess I couldn't. Thanks. That just...kind of makes   
me feel better. Don't really know why." She smiled.

"Because...just because you miss him doesn't mean you're doing something   
wrong."

"Exactly. That's exactly it. God, Xander. You're...reading my thoughts.   
You didn't get telepathy powers in the last few hours, did you?" 

Wow. I'm good. Advice boy strikes again. Nothing can stop me! "Not that I   
know of."

"And just because I think of him sometimes, that doesn't mean that's bad.   
Because he was a part of my life and all. And I can't expect myself to feel   
nothing when I think of him...right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Thanks Xander. You're the best!" 

"Glad to be of service." So she hugged me and kind of pranced back to the   
front of the store.

Again, I think wise advice guy made the right decision for me. She   
doesn't need me to question her on the point that, maybe, if she really   
didn't feel anything for him the way she used to, she would have reacted a   
little differently to hearing his name. 

She'll figure it out for herself.  
**fin** 


End file.
